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I got home from work to find my wife waiting for me with her legs open wide. “What the fuck did you do to the Road Runner?,” I asked.

On my birthday, I get a blowjob. On our anniversary, I get a blowjob. On valentine’s day, I get a blowjob. At Xmas, I get a blowjob. So at every major celebratory occasion, I get a blowjob. I flop my cock out at the mother-in-law’s funeral and all of a sudden I’m insensitive.

‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house, Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse… I really should have invested in one of those carbon monoxide detectors.

When four of Santa's elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones, Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule. Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mum was coming to visit. This upset Santa even more. When he went to...

It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighbourhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift...

Two men are waiting at the gates of heaven and strike up a conversation. "How'd you die?" the first man asks the second. "I froze to death," says the second. "That's awful," says the first man, "how does it feel to freeze to death?" "It's very uncomfortable at first," says the second...

A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase. He asks, 'What are you doing?' She answers, 'I'm moving to Nevada . I heard prostitutes there get paid $400 for doing what I do for you for free.' Later that night, on her way out, the wife walks into the bedroom &...

A tourist has been visiting Cuba for a week. He is leaving the next day and he still hasn't tried the food. He goes to a restaurant and sits down to order and then sees what the man next to him has. It looks very tasty. The waiter comes to take his order and the tourist tells him he wants...

The Iranian Ambassador to the UN had just finished giving a speech and walked out into the lobby of the convention centre where he was introduced to a U.S. Marine General. As they talked, the Iranian said, "I have just one question about what I have seen in America." The General said...

My wife was going through my text messages today when she stopped and yelled. "Who the fuck is Sophie? And why is she telling you she'd love to suck your cock for the 4th time this week?" "Err... Wrong number," I replied. "That's a wrong number." "She also wrote your name, Hi Neil...

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A man appears before St. Peter at the pearly gates. "Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asks. "Well, I can think of one thing," the man offers. "On a trip to the Black Hills, out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of macho bikers who were threatening a young woman...

At least get it right

Replaced engine and it was a 727. http://www.barrett-jackson.com/applicat ... .1&aid=466

http://www.hemmings.com/classifieds/dealer/plymouth/road_runner/1410669.html

Because he is your facebook friend, it is not published so that everyone can see it.

An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger." The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, "What would...